everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
