sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
