Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
