I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
