my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
