Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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