i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
