Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
