Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
