it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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