he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
