Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
