I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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