You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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