Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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