I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am midnight drunk by noon
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
