he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
