Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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