is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
that is very illegal...i love you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
