I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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