you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
