well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize