I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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