that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
