you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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