worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love you.
Bad choice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize