So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
