I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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