I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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