Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
