Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
