I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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