matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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