i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
