3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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