How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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