This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
