apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
