Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
