yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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