He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
