3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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