Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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