She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
