take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
