Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
