where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
