I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
