I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
