I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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