I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
