we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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