I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
