Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
