If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
