Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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