How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
