i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
