No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
