I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick