This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
