I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood