This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.