I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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