The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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