She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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