Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Damn victory sex feels great
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