My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
