even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
