took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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