either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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