at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
