If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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