I just pynch a tree in the face
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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