Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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