You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
