I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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