you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
