If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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