Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
