oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it because I queefed?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
