Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
